I don't know how, but somehow we got talking about these "Things you have to do before you die" lists yesterday. And that got me thinking. I mean really thinking. I know, when I was eight or nine I made a list of things I wanted to do in my lifetime. I just can't remember much of what was on there. One thing I do remember, and that's still outstanding: Go see a real live baseball game, I mean a serious one, so it's gotta be in the States or at least involve two evenly matched teams, and not the Dragons versus the Baystars, where Nagoya kept hitting homeruns while the Baystars had no clue what to do. That didn't count, cause it was just plain boring. But then, maybe I find that watching the Red Sox or so would be just as boring, who knows? I still intend to find out some day...
But what else was on that list? I think I basically have done the rest already. Go to Japan. Live abroad. See Tokyo (only to discover that I love Osaka so much more). Travel around Ireland (ok, I could argue there's still plenty more ground to cover there if I wanted to).
I still have a few things left that I want to see or do. Like travel in India. See Angkor Wat. See those heads on Easter Island. But mainly, well, it almost seems I am running out of dreams, cause most of the time I just go and do it. Some things didn't turn out the way I thought they would, but I also have no problem just changing plans, or my mind, or whatever needs changing at the moment.
That should make me feel proud, right? I do what I want, live my dream... but somehow, the idea of running out of dreams is scaring me. I mean, I will never really run out of dreams, there will always be something left, something I will want to see or do or experience. And one of my dreams at least involves a very long time, i.e. find a partner to build a life with, and that is not done in a trip or two. But they are getting less and less, and I find it increasingly difficult to come up with even a handful of things I still really want to do before I die, you know, with all that emotional vigour behind the dream.
However, I actually miss all those dreams that I used to have, all the hopefulness and the images that I had of places or things, before reality came rushing in when I actually went and did it. Suddenly I had no more options to embellish it with whatever I wanted, since now I knew what it was like. And had no more room for imagination left.
I like imagining things, I like creating pictures in my head of what a place could be like, or how a situation could enfold. Which is maybe why I love reading, because I am free, or at least freer than with watching a film, to picture the scene in my way, with my colours, my faces, my decoration...
I feel sad when I think of people that don't have dreams. That just do what they are told, not because they want it but because they can't come up with things for themselves. And even worse: People who don't read and can't enjoy the imaginary world of a book. I don't care what you read, for Heaven's sake, read friggin' Dan Brown if that tickles your fancy, but not to be able to build these worlds in your head, create faces and scenes and pictures in your mind without TV having to dot every last bit down for you, that is just the saddest thing I can think of in life.
So, as for me, I find it difficult to still come up with 10 things to do. That could be either a good thing or a bad thing, and I guess for me it depends on my mood that day to decide which way I want to see it... I just hope that everyone will someday manage to have their own dreams. What else is there to drive you on in life if not a dream? So, it really doesn't matter what you put on that list, and even if it's only one thing. As long as you have something to dream about!
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