... and no, I don't mean the song by New Kids on the Block. I just realised that it's kind of strange, that I know exactly that I have to go through this step by step. Breakups tend to go through this pattern with me. First there's the hurt and the sense of failure when I realise that my feelings are not reciprocated and the relationship is not going to work. Then logic sets in and between bouts of illogical hurt and tears explains that this is the way it is. Mostly I get to anger about the same time, and betrayal because he was not honest about his feelings, pretended too long and had me believe it was something mutual. Anger is the easiest part for me to deal with, easy to talk about, easy to let out, easy to overcome. The sense of failure is the hardest, and I still don't know how to handle it. Then at some point the next step is almost unnoticeable, but suddenly it gets better, things that happened don't matter that much anymore, and the realisation that this is just another experience, and the next one will come, sets in. It still hurts on occasion, but not that much anymore.
I know this is what is going to happen, I just wish I could already be out of this paralysing feeling of hurt, which blocks out logic and reason. Well, I guess it's gotta be one step at a time...
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