Black clouds have surpassed themselves. But let's start with the bright side: I got an interview invite, and even if that is only one step, and who knows what happens next, it is certainly a booster.
But the boyfriend issue has flared up, badly. Here I thought I had found someone who is grown up enough to have an honest relationship with, and then at the first sign of a problem, when I question his behaviour, he has suddenly decided that he doesn't like me enough to want to be with me anymore. Just great. And the night before he had apparently forgotten all about that, very conveniently. Even greater. So, either he is a total jerk who has knowingly lied to me for months with every word and bit of behaviour, or is he a colossal coward who wouldn't admit his feelings, either to himself if the bit of not liking enough is true, or to me if his behaviour is true.
So now, instead of preparing for my interview on Monday I can hardly concentrate on anything, let alone see through bursts of tears. Exactly what I needed. Job trouble, man trouble, money trouble... and I'm feeling sick, but that's probably because of being upset. It feels like all the weight of the world is crushing down on me. Black clouds concentrate...
I know it will only take a bit of time and then all is getting better, I just really wish I was there already, cause this here is seriously no fun. At least my Japanese dad is coming to visit from Saturday, he is always happy and funny and will be a great distraction.
It's all gonna be better soon, but just now the weight is feeling like it's unbearable. Apparently I still haven't learned how to deal with crisis... or November. Which is potentially the same thing...
No comments:
Post a Comment