Leaving Places

What is it about leaving places? How come all things suddenly happen right at the last minute? When you made the decision to leave you had your reasons, were maybe even longing for the moment to move on to the next step.  And then things come creeping up on you...

After having been in Malaysia and not getting anywhere with figuring out how to find customers for the little business venture we had envisioned, and my funds running low, I was ready to move on, come here to Japan again where I am now, and see if some job, teaching or other, might come my way, and if not, just get back to London and find a job there. I had made a few very nice friends, in addition to my lovely old friends that I had come to work with, had seen beautiful things, eaten amazing food, and even learned a few words in Malay at last. But since it all didn't seem to lead much of anywhere, I started getting impatient. As did my bank account. 

So it was time to move on. And rather than going right back to Europe I wanted to go see my family in Osaka again, and stay with them for a bit, before probably settling down in Britain. The decision was made, the tickets purchased, and the last trip to the beach, this time round, was planned. And I was looking forward to move on.

But, of course, all these things happen right then. The place someone tells you about that is just so amazing that you would love to go there right this minute. Or the trip your friend plans and would have taken you along with, if only you had been around. Or you meet this really lovely man that appears to be the perfect fit, if only you had met him under different circumstances. Or you hear about this job opportunity that seems to open up all of a sudden, now that you had given up on the business. Or all of the above. As in my case. Bugger.

How come that I attract these things and opportunities right at the point when I have decided to turn into a different direction? What is it that changes? My attitude, knowing that it is all gonna be over soon? Is it simply that things don't seem to matter much anymore since I am going to leave anyway, and that that makes me so much more relaxed? Does that mean I should simply not care about anything anymore, and just have things come my way, whatever they may turn out to be? 

To a certain extend I think this is actually true: When you are relaxed you are in a much better position to judge and act on whatever comes along, while obsessing on one plan will make you blind to many opportunities that may be not quite so obvious. Much like squinting your eyes, where you will have only limited vision, as opposed to looking around with relaxed eyes and taking in the whole picture, where you may even discover something of interest from the corner of your eyes.
So, is that the answer? Give up caring? I am pretty much for just letting things flow, see what happens, there's no way you can plan what happens anyway, as things have a way of turning out different to what you had expected. If only I could switch off that little nagging voice, society's conditioning that I've been fighting all this time, that tells me I got to settle, get a man, house, kid, dog, pension plan, or else it is all gonna go downhill from here... Mostly I don't care, things have a way of working out somehow. But sometimes, just sometimes, I actually believe these voices and get scared. Something to work on...