How we all love our categories... he is gay, she is black, they are American. And at once we have an image and the expectation for all of them to behave in a certain way. I guess to some extend this is just human, the way we make sense of the world is to order what we experience according to what we have learned before about similar things. Four legs, a tail, and it barks, must be a dog, even if it looks like a little bat, most people would say when coming across a Chihuahua for the first time.
So yes, categories are our daily bread. But I still try to avoid categorising everything around me, especially when it comes to people and their behaviour. I mean, there are all colours under the rainbow, with so many different tastes and preferences. So I have come across a black girl who didn't like Beyonce, and a Japanese woman who hated shopping, and a gay guy who is messy as messy can be. One label doesn't mean the stereotype fits them all.
Since I try to look at each person as an individual and make as few assumptions as I possibly can, and failing on occasion, I expect the same in return. So I do get annoyed when I have people putting me in certain categories because of my nationality or job or sexuality. And have started avoiding answering these questions with a straight answer.
Just the other day I ended up with a few friends in the aftermath of Pride in a pub off Old Compton Street. We got talking to this Irish guy who immediately started asking where we were from. One girl being American he wanted her to say something, expecting to hear something like a Texan drawl, and was so disappointed when she, being from San Francisco, sounded almost like he himself.
Me being German triggered his praise on how I must be so focussed and strong-willed, since that's how we are, we Germans, right? And he had a hard time dealing with my answer to his question whether I was gay, when I said that right now I didn't have any love interest, so I simply was nothing right now, and what comes next, well, let's see. He needed a clear answer, or at least a bi. Which I wouldn't give him. Granted, so far I have been attracted to men, but who is to say that I don't meet a wonderful woman one day and fall in love with her? I mean, among the guys I have been with up until now only one was actually my type in looks, the others I fell in love with for their personality, despite the outward package differing from my idea of what is beautiful.
Never judge a book by its cover, isn't that what they say? At least give the blurb a quick look-over before you put it back on the shelve. I know, there is not always time for this, so we have to go for the quick decision sometimes. All I'm saying is that some of my best friends who have been with me for decades were those who I didn't like at first. Or who pigeonholed me into a certain image when we first met and were surprised to find out how much more there was besides and beyond their quick judgement.
Well, all any of us really can do is just be ourselves, I suppose, and not pretend to be something we are not, it will all just come back to bite you where it's uncomfortable. And to keep an open mind. So here's hoping I meet those people who look beyond their set of ideas and leave room for the concept of a German who has no interest in returning to that country, who hates sausages but loves beer, and who has some other quirks that will not fit the category. I promise I will continue looking out for whatever is behind their exterior as well...
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