Food and Funerals

My brother died last night. I really don't know what to say; it was quick and completely unexpected, I don't even really know yet what happened. Terrible, surreal, and I still don't believe it: I expect to wake up any moment now. And there are no words I can think of that find their place in this situation. But being quiet just feels impossible as well.

So let me talk about food. 

I always thought it was just a stereotype that funerals are inevitably linked with food, neighbours bringing casseroles, the German word Leichenschmaus (which, come to think of it, is a really REALLY very weird term), coffee and cake... Despite these things I never thought that they really were inseparably linked. But the first thing I did after talking to my mum was to cook: Automated moves, keeps me busy doing something, enough to shut off my brain for a while, but not too complicated to have to concentrate hard to do it. 

And our main thing left to organise for the funeral is the food for the family gathering. For which we will all prepare something, everyone knows already what they will cook or bake, it seems, ideas spring to mind with surprising ease.

Food is therapeutic somehow, I guess, not just eating it, which we all know can be very soothing. But that preparing or even planning it can be comforting, too, is a new concept for me. However, after running out of words to express what we feel we quickly turned to talking about food, about what we could contribute to help out, to ease things a little bit. It's a safe topic, I guess, productive, useful, practical, it keeps us busy. We consider who will be there and what they will and will not eat, or can and can not. We plan the shopping, the time it takes to prepare, to cool down enough to be ready for transport, the logistics of it, the organising. Again, the word surreal comes to mind, that one is associated with the other. Substituting one topic that is too difficult to put into words with another one, where conversations can be extended indefinitely, if need be. Which may be just why I am writing this at the moment. Substitute one thing that has no words with another that is easy. Surreal. Everything is surreal.